christmas

for christmas this year, we simplified a lot.  we are blessed with parents who are gracious and flexible and who were willing to work with us in making sure the boys weren't swimming in new toys come december 26th.  as a guideline, we went with the rhyme "something you want. something you need. something to wear.  something to read."  thus each boy got a toy, some clothes a book or two and something for school next year.  and then steve and i built them a hobbit house (or rather, steve built... i just decorated and helped out here and there.)  the boys love it and play outside all the time!

at four years...

sweet ezra:

:: loves to play alone.  sometimes, he sneaks away from the chaos of the rest of the house, and i will find him hiding in a back room, all caught up in a game of his own making. he has such a wonderful imagination.

:: loves ballet.  he was thrilled to be able to join gabe's class a little early this year and is so proud that he can now skip!

:: is really into puzzles and board games. his brain sees puzzles and solves them so easily!  he is such a smart kid!

:: loves his brothers so much, especially his "jonesy".  he coos over jonah often and loves to help me with taking care of him.

:: spends almost all of his time with a clothes hanger popping out of the back of his shirt.  it's his bow, and he can really use it.  he whips it out and shoots at imaginary bears and "bad guys" with impressive skill and speed.  really though, his seriousness when it comes to this clothes-hanger-bow is pretty much the cutest thing anyone has ever seen.  ever.

:: is very concerned about the christmas tree being lit during all waking hours. the first thing he does when we wake up in the morning or when we get home from somewhere is insist that we plug it in.  he also rearranges the ornaments several times a day.

:: prays such sweet, thoughtful prayers.  i love how he really puts love into his prayers and how he prays specific things for specific people.  it is heart-melting every time.

::  has been listening to the wayside school series on CD during his quiet time and he loves it!  he can be so silly sometimes, and those books are a perfect match for him!  he comes out most days telling me about something he heard on wayside school.

:: is such a sweet and cuddly boy.  and his smile is enough to make me stop whatever i am doing and want to hug him right then.  i am so proud to be his mama and so blessed to watch him grow up!

photo explosion :: vol. 2

{what it is like taking all four to target}

{at ballet}

{college roommates}

{afternoon hot chocolate}

{one of my favorite things about babies: knuckle dimples}

"i broke my hair" {part 2}

for part 1, go here

when the transport from wolfson's arrived, titus was asleep on my shoulder.  we woke him and they put him in a neck brace.  then we moved him onto a gurney and they began to strap him in.  i was already somewhat familiar with the process (since we have done a transport before), so i knew that the ambulance they used for these things was basically an ICU on wheels (and thus incredibly intimidating to look at).  because they were preparing for the worst, they needed to give him an IV (in case they needed to administer any medications during the drive).

up to this point, titus had been really quiet.  aside from one moment of excitement while telling the big boys about his CT scan, he had really not said much- not to me, not to the doctors.  he allowed them all to do what they needed to (which is pretty normal for him, but a little astonishing to all of the people working with him, as most two-year-olds are a little fussier than him).  but when they stuck him with the IV needle, he lost it.  strapped down to that gurney, he screamed and cried while i stood by, holding his hand and whispering to him that it would all be over soon and that he would get to watch "robin hood" while he was driving.  once the IV was in, i signed a few papers and they were on their way.

i gathered up our things (and the baby) and started to the van.  when it was clear that i was not sure where to go (the ER is a bit of a maze, and i hadn't been paying attention to how we came in), a nice hospital lady (who had been checking in on us and helping with the boys) spotted me and offered to lead me out.  and then she said something really nice (who remembers what it was) and i fell apart. in the hospital hallway.  and the nice lady hugged me as i composed myself.

once to the van, i called steve.  he was finished with work but still in ponte vedra (which was closer to jacksonville than where i was), so we decided he would head straight to wolfson's to try and be there when titus arrived.  jonah and i picked up some lunch for me (it was three and i hadn't yet eaten), stopped by the house for a few things, and got back on the road.

when i arrived at the hospital, titus was in a room in the wolfson's ER and was sound asleep.  steve had made it just in time to see him off the ambulance.  it had been a tough trip for titus (emotionally) and he was so happy to see his daddy!  i brought him his "baby" (a purple stuffed penguin), and got the first smile i had seen since the accident (and my mama heart was so full!) my mom arrived shortly after me and then our friend kayla as well (in case we needed help with the baby).

almost immediately, i was approached by a DCF investigator for an interview.  i spoke with her for a moment in a corner of the hallway, explaining the incident, answering her questions. she interviewed steve and my mom as well.  she attempted to interview titus, but he would not wake up for her. later, her supervisor came and re-interviewed me, and together they explained that the investigator would have to come out to the house to speak with gabe and ezra and to inspect the pantry and look around the house.  all of this was a bit more than i had expected.

finally, the new ER doctor admitted titus into a room and we were brought upstairs where he would stay overnight for observation.  they were optimistic that his injuries were limited to the temporal fracture and possibly a cut in his ear or eardrum.  nothing too scary.  nothing terribly emergent.  but they wanted to make sure other injuries didn't present themselves as the night went on.

at wolfson's, no siblings under the age of 6 are allowed (which is, of course, ALL of titus's siblings), and since i am still nursing jonah, that meant that i would not be the one to stay with titus.  steve prepared to stay the night and my mom and i said our goodbyes and headed back to st. augustine. shortly after we left, steve's parents arrived, and during their visit, titus perked up and ate two bowls of macaroni and cheese and drank a bunch of sprite.  it was such a blessing to talk to him on the phone that night and hear how much better he already sounded!

at home, shortly after getting gabe and ezra into bed, two police officers came knocking on the door.  they took some pictures of the pantry and had me write out the story of the accident for their records. after they left, we all went to bed.

in the morning, the DCF investigator come by.  she took a tour of the house, writing notes along the way, had me take a drug test (which i obviously passed), and checked out the pantry.  then, she explained that her supervisor would not let her leave until we devised and implemented a plan to keep titus out of the pantry.  my father-in-law (the best!) ran to the hardware store and put on a lock.

steve and titus spent the day at the hospital cuddling and watching movies and playing in the toy room.  after lunch, i left gabe, ezra, and jonah with my in-laws while i went to visit (with sarah in tow!) and relieved steve for a moment so that he could get some lunch.  it was so good to see titus very much himself, bounding all over the room with the gift shop balloon and eating way too many of the oreos that sarah had brought him.  we cuddled in the rocking chair and watched a movie for a bit until it was time for me to get back to feed jonah.

shortly after i arrived home, steve texted me that titus had been discharged and was headed home!  we prepared to eat dinner (brought to us by friends!) and celebrate ezra's birthday while the grandparents were still visiting.  gabe and ezra were so happy to have their brother home and it was such a relief to have him back with us.  before dinner gabe prayed a prayer of thanks for titus's safety.  then we all enjoyed cake and ice cream before sending the kids to bed.

in all of this, God has been so good to us.  as always, we have been so blessed to have our community come around us in support and care for our family. sometimes i am so amazed at how well we are cared for by God through them.

and although the DCF stuff was intrusive and a bit overwhelming (they are, after all, perfectly capable of removing your kids from your care, and that is a bit terrifying, even for someone who has done no wrong), i can honestly say that God has used this experience to remind me to draw near to him and to trust that he loves my children and my family more than i do and that he will care for all of us. and as has been the case many times these last years, he has given my yet another way in which i can empathize with the people who are struggling around me.

titus is fine,  in fact, he was running around, playing with his brothers immediately (and was encouraged by his doctors to do so). at church the next day, he was strutting around telling everyone, "i climb to get the raisins.  i fall and i broke my hair!"  we are so grateful that God protected him and that everything was, as it always is, perfectly in his control.

"i broke my hair" {part 1}

eleven days ago, i was packing to get us out of town.  we were headed to tallahassee, both to visit family and to attend a two day parenting conference.  the boys were excited about spending time with mimi and papa and i was excited that steve and i would get to spend some time together considering the great honor and responsibility of parenting our four boys.

just before lunch, as i was putting the last few items into our bag, titus took a fall.  now, as you can imagine, with four boys, we are accustomed to falls (and the bumps and bruises that come with them). and obviously, as a two-year-old, titus is prone to clumsiness and fearlessness and sneakiness (a bad combo, but one that many little boys embody).  so when i heard the thump and crying in the kitchen (i was in my room some 15 feet away... our house is quite small), i rushed over to check out the situation.

i found titus in the pantry holding his ear, and immediately knew what had happened.  you see, titus is a climber.  he climbs for fun, and he climbs to get what he wants (and usually should not have).  we have been pulling him off or furniture and down from shelves since he was old enough to walk.  and when i found him in the pantry, i knew that he had been climbing to get a snack while he knew i was not looking.  and he had fallen.  nothing to be too alarmed about... two-year-olds fall. and i am not a panicky person.

i removed his hand from his ear to take a closer look and administer kisses (which, of course, would make it immediately better). and it was bleeding.  i sent gabe to get a rag and took titus to the couch.  at worst (judging by the amount of blood i saw), i thought he would need stitches, so started looking for a cut.  after a moment, it became clear that there was no cut.  rather, the blood was coming from inside his ear.  and he was crying harder than was typical (even for titus, who has a tendency to milk an injury).  i grabbed my phone and called the pediatrician thinking that he must have somehow ruptured his eardrum.  the nurse told me to take him to the ER.

somehow, i managed to get titus dressed (yes, he was wearing only underwear... this happens a lot in our house), get the baby in his carseat, get the big boys' shoes on (forgot titus's shoes), and get all four kids in the car fairly quickly.  on the way, i called steve to let him know where i was headed and to assure him that it was probably no big deal (he was in jacksonville for work) but that we would likely have to alter our day's plans slightly.

at the hospital, i realized that i would need to carry both the baby carrier and titus.  and there was no parking.  so, i mustered up all the mom strength i could and with gabe and ezra holding hands behind me, i walked 7 miles (or at least it felt like that far) from the far end of the parking lot to the ER entrance (all the while encouraging the big boys, "okay boys, keep up... titus has a big adventure to get to and mommy's arms are getting tired!). once inside, we got through triage very quickly and were led to a very ICUish looking room (glass doors and all that, much more serious looking than the normal ones).

the doctor who saw us was very kind.  he had me relay the story to him of what happened (to the best of my knowledge, since neither i nor the older boys saw the fall) and then looked into titus's ear.  and he was concerned.  he explained that normally he would expect a ruptured eardrum, but he could not even see the eardrum clearly from all the blood.  in fact, the more he looked, the harder titus cried.  and the harder he cried, the more it bubbled and bled inside.  he asked if it was possible that titus had put something in his ear that may have cut it (not likely as i had not really been gone that long, and it didn't really make sense for him to have done that while looking for a snack).  

the doctor was concerned about the continued bleeding and began to explain the two most likely culprits.  the first (and most likely) was a ruptured eardrum caused by air forced in upon impact.  the second (and certainly most unexpected, given titus's age and the flexibility of a two-year-old's bones) was a skull fracture (which could be accompanied by bleeding in the brain, concussion, or any number of other absolutely terrifying things).  

i said before, i don't panic easily.  God knew what he was doing when He gave me four boys.  i am pretty good in a crisis and i freak out only after things are dealt with.  and at this moment, even though i can remember thinking that panic would be an acceptable response, i felt peace rush over me.  i said a prayer for my boy and called steve.

the next hour or so were spent getting a cat scan and chest x-rays (not as hard as it could have been... titus is a great patient) and trying to keep everyone happy.  there was a little tv that they could watch PBS on and the nurse brought in crackers and coke for the big boys.  the baby was happily watching from his carseat.  the doctor had explained that no matter which it was (eardrum or skull), titus would have to be transferred to wolfson's children's hospital in jacksonville for further treatment, so i was actively searching for someone to come pick up gabe and ezra (steve was still stuck at work).

when the doctor returned, i knew the answer even before he told me.  it was a skull fracture.  but his brain looked good.  he went on to explain that because the injury was critical (head traumas always are, i guess) and given titus's age and the fact that it was an unwitnessed accident, there would be need for DCF to investigate the incident.  i had already guessed that this would be the case, but figured that it would be no big deal since i hadn't done anything wrong.

my good friend, dana, came to pick up the big boys (it seems that she is always rescuing me these days), and with the help of a pacifier brought to me by an incredibly kind nurse, i finally got jonah to sleep in his carseat.  then, i climbed into the hospital bed with titus and we cuddled together and watched "curious george" while we waited for the transport ambulance to arrive.

... continued in part 2.

photo explosion :: vol. 1

more details on our week coming when i have enough brain to get it all out.  in the meantime, steve and i got smartphones and can take pictures now, so here is this week's photo explosion (so named because it really is kind of a mess of pictures with no real commonality)!

{all of the above pictures were from our recent trip to louisiana to visit my family for thanksgiving.  it was a lovely trip, but i was sick the whole time, so the photographic evidence of our visit is limited to only what our phones found interesting here or there}

{at the naval air museum}

{what i found in the back seat when we got to publix this week}

{these two sure do have a special bond}